Author Topic: Jokes  (Read 1647 times)

Auntie Cee

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #30 on: April 02, 2021, 03:00:25 PM »
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small Tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, ‘Is That a son of a beech or a son of a birch?’

The birch says he cannot Tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.  The birch says, ‘Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if That is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?’

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, ‘It is Neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the Best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.'

Now wipe that smile off your face. And pass it on ....

Auntie Cee

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #31 on: April 02, 2021, 03:05:24 PM »
A man phones his wife and asks her: “Honey I’ve been asked to go fishing in China with my boss for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get the promotion. So could you please pack enough clothes for a week, set out my rod & fishing box. We’re leaving from office & I’ll swing by the house to pick my things, Oh, Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas!”

The wife noticed that there’s something fishy in her husband’s story but since she was a good wife she listened to her husband and did exactly as he told her.  After a week the husband returned home, looking a bit tired but happy to have done a good job. The wife immediately started asking about the weekend, how it was, if he’d caught any fish and so on.  The husband said: “Yes, Lots of Salmon, Blue gill & a few Swordfish, But why didn’t you pack my blue silk pyjamas?”

To which the wife responded: “I did.  They’re in your fishing box”.

Lost Mother

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #32 on: May 03, 2021, 05:35:16 PM »
TOP TEN REJECTED EASTER DRAMAS THIS YEAR

By Dave Tippett
 
10. Gigantic, super-loud fireworks explosions signal resurrection of Prince of Peace.
 
9. The guy who lost his ear to Peter sells it on eBay.
 
8. Angels swing from piano wire and, for the most part, make it down to the Tomb.
 
7. Guys in metal skirts hurt, too: The Roman's Story.
 
6. Our elderly and near-sighted ushers will wash your feet throughout the first act.
 
5. It's the Jets (disciples) vs. the Sharks (Pharisees) in "West Bank Story"!!
 
4. Last Supper Dinner Theater.
 
3. Stone rolled away and down the church aisle.
 
2. Orange construction barrels impede triumphant entry into Jerusalem.
 
1. Aslan the Lion eats evil temple merchants.